Why So Few Leaders Actually Use Their Influence - And What Gets in the Way

4 Sept

Most of the senior leaders I work with are more capable than they give themselves credit for. They're experienced, intelligent and committed. They understand their organisations, their teams and their markets. And yet, when I ask them honestly about the impact they're having - the influence they're exercising relative to the influence they could be exercising - the gap is almost always significant.

Not because they lack the ability. But because something quieter is getting in the way.

The confidence gap

Confidence in leadership is frequently misunderstood. It's often conflated with assertiveness, certainty or an absence of doubt. In reality, the leaders I see operating with the greatest influence are rarely the loudest or the most certain. They're the ones who have developed a stable enough sense of their own judgement and value to act on it, even when the outcome isn't guaranteed.

The leaders who underuse their influence are often those who second-guess themselves most. Who wonder whether their perspective is really worth sharing. Who wait until they're certain before speaking, by which point the moment has passed. Who qualify their views so heavily that the message gets lost before it lands.

This isn't a personality issue. It's a development issue. Confidence at senior level is built through self-awareness, feedback and the deliberate practice of operating at the edge of your comfort zone, not by waiting until you feel ready.

The boundary problem

Influence requires the ability to say no as well as yes. It requires the willingness to hold a position under pressure, to push back when you disagree and to protect your own time and energy for the things that actually matter.

Many senior leaders struggle with this, not because they don't know what boundaries they should set, but because setting them feels uncomfortable. It can feel like letting people down, or like a signal that you're not committed enough, or not a team player.

The irony is that leaders who have no boundaries - who say yes to everything, who never push back, who are always available - tend to have less influence, not more. They become reactive rather than strategic. Their attention is spread so thin that their judgement suffers. And the people around them quickly learn that their yes means very little because it's never accompanied by a no.

Boundaries are not a sign of disengagement. They're a prerequisite for effective leadership.

The vulnerability question

This is the one most senior leaders find hardest to talk about, which is precisely why it's worth talking about.

There's a persistent belief at senior level that showing vulnerability is a weakness. That admitting uncertainty, acknowledging a mistake or being honest about what you don't know will undermine your authority and erode the confidence others have in you.

The evidence, and my consistent experience in the coaching room, suggests the opposite is true.

Leaders who are willing to show appropriate vulnerability build significantly more trust than those who maintain a facade of certainty and control. Teams follow leaders they trust. And trust is built not through the appearance of having all the answers, but through honesty, consistency and the willingness to be human.

This doesn't mean oversharing or processing your uncertainty publicly in ways that create anxiety in your team. It means being honest when you don't know something. Acknowledging when you got something wrong. Being willing to say "I'm working through this and I'd value your input" rather than presenting a finished position when you haven't reached one.

That kind of leadership takes more confidence, not less. And it creates more influence, not less.

What else gets in the way

Beyond confidence, boundaries and vulnerability, a few other patterns consistently limit leadership influence:

Assuming your position speaks for itself. Seniority creates authority but not influence. Influence has to be actively built through relationships, through the quality of your thinking and through the consistency of your behaviour over time.
Communicating for yourself rather than your audience. The most influential leaders are those who adapt how they communicate to the person in front of them, who understand what matters to that individual, what their concerns are and how to frame a message in a way that genuinely connects.
Avoiding difficult conversations. Influence requires the willingness to have the conversations that need to happen, not just the comfortable ones. Leaders who consistently avoid conflict or difficult feedback gradually lose the respect of those around them, even if that process is invisible for a while.
Not investing in their own development. Influence is not static. The leaders who remain most influential over time are those who continue to develop, who seek feedback, who challenge their own assumptions and who treat their own growth with the same seriousness they bring to everything else.

The starting point

If any of this is resonating, the most useful first step is honest self-assessment. Not a performance review. Not feedback filtered through what people think you want to hear. A genuine, candid examination of where your influence is strong, where it's limited and what's actually getting in the way.

That's uncomfortable work. But it's the work that makes the difference.

The Elevated Leadership Mastery Programme is designed for senior leaders who want to develop greater confidence, presence and impact - and lead with influence that genuinely moves people and organisations forward.